The Horror of Modern Life series is something I started in 1992. I wanted to change my .sig regularly in my email and news postings, to keep it relevant. I also wanted it to provoke some thought in people who read it. Mainly, I just sold out and went for a cheap laugh, but there have been some good ones. Some never really worked past their concept, and might not actually have been posted.
As the blurb says, if you have any suggestions, requests, or comments about the Horror of Modern Life series, please contact me.
The scoundrel's format, <pre>, has been used
for the HOML collection.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part I
Darren | Television, the drug of a nation;
O'Shaughnessy | Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part II
Darren | Some people live their whole lives without
O'Shaughnessy | ever critically examining shampoo.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part III
Darren | Vladimir Zhirinovsky is leader of the largest party in
O'Shaughnessy | the (Russian) Duma. Jeff Kennett is Premier of Victoria.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part IV
Darren | Every species of lemur in Madagascar is endangered. The
O'Shaughnessy | last wild population of koalas in NSW died this year.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part V
Darren | Plastic and food are dyed to make them appeal to the
O'Shaughnessy | consumer. Where do the millions of tonnes of dye go?
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part VI
Darren | A normal daily newspaper contains more non-community
O'Shaughnessy | information than the average 15th-century person would
| have come into contact with in tes entire life.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part VII
Darren | Fortification - a relic of '50s health policy. What are
O'Shaughnessy | the effects of all those chemicals in cereals and bread?
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part VIII
Darren | One-third of the earthquakes in India in the past decade
O'Shaughnessy | were caused by recently-built dams.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part VIII(a)
Darren | June in India. 900 000 000 people in a country less than
O'Shaughnessy | half the size of Australia. High in New Delhi 46C (115F)
| Severe water shortages; dams cause 1/3 of earthquakes.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part VIII(b)
Darren | October in India. 900 000 000 people in a country less
O'Shaughnessy | than half the size of Australia. Pneumonic and bubonic
| plagues spread as carriers panic, but rats are worshipped.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part IX
Darren | 25% of people are mentally ill at some stage
O'Shaughnessy | of their lives.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part X
Darren | Greed. Greed is the motivation, nourished by The
O'Shaughnessy | Capitalist Consumer Society, to achieve Material Wealth.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XI
Darren | Religion. Institutional religion is the main perp-
O'Shaughnessy | etrator of barbarism and bigotry. Deus does not exist.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XII
Darren | Let us all hope that BHP pays for what it's doing in
O'Shaughnessy | Papua New Guinea. BHP - The Big, Ugly, Australian
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XII(a)
Darren | BHP pollutes PNG beyond inhabitability; PNG passes a
O'Shaughnessy | law making the inhabitants criminals if they attempt
| to sue. BHP - The Big, Ugly, Australian
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XIII
Darren | E-mail signatures which are pretentious, too long,
O'Shaughnessy | or just plain unfunny. Like this one. (Ack: T.M.)
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XIV
| Premise 1: Drive defensively.
Darren | Premise 2: Attack is the best form of defense.
O'Shaughnessy | Corollary: Drive offensively. (The Law of the Hoon)
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XV
Darren | People who would seriously consider spending
O'Shaughnessy | 8 grand renovating their bathroom. (Ack: D.Garner)
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XVI
Darren | The occupation of Tibet, 1952-present. Tiananmen Square,
O'Shaughnessy | 1989. You too can live in a Most Favoured Nation.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XVII
Darren | Instant lottery tickets
O'Shaughnessy | - a discriminatory tax on stupidity.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XVIII
Darren | When your housemate finds evidence of all the
O'Shaughnessy | sordid things you've been doing in your room.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XIX
Darren | PEPSI - Sponsoring young physicists since 1989.
O'Shaughnessy | PEPSI - The taste of a New Generation.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XX
Darren | Kylie Minogue's latest song has a style of backing music
O'Shaughnessy | indistinguishable from Sinead O'Connor's latest song.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXI
Darren | That dint my slow-moving bicycle made in that woman's
O'Shaughnessy | car will probably cost more to fix than my bike's price.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXII
Darren | In the city ... "Mummy, why can't I see the stars?"
O'Shaughnessy | "Mummy, why is there always so much noise?"
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXIII
Darren | "To do evil a human being must first of all believe that
O'Shaughnessy | what he's doing is good, or else that it's a well-cons-
| idered act in conformity with natural law." Solzhenitsyn
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXIV
Darren | A million Ugandans - 5% of the nation's population -
O'Shaughnessy | will die of AIDS in the next 4 years.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXV
Darren | There is one suicide per day on Melbourne's train sys-
O'Shaughnessy | tem. It is a significant contributing factor in delays.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXVI
Darren | 1 in 7 Americans would prefer to give up sex than
O'Shaughnessy | their remote control.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXVII
Darren | Processed meat. Think about it.
O'Shaughnessy |
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXVIII
Darren | Don't stay out of the sun! There are benefits and risks,
O'Shaughnessy | weighing UV/cancer/cataracts against Vitamin D production
| and hormonal balance provided only by natural sunlight.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXIX
Darren | Padraic P. McGuiness, most objectionable newspaper
O'Shaughnessy | columnist, who can now be flamed - er ... emailed -
| as ppmcg@ozemail.com.au
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXX
Darren | The U.S. finally imposes some sanctions on China. But
O'Shaughnessy | not over human rights - copyrights are far more important.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXXI
Darren | "In the [U.S.] mid-term elections, a staggering one in
O'Shaughnessy | four voters described themselves to pollsters as
| evangelical Christians." - The Guardian
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXXII
Darren | 60% of British pre-school children never drink water.
O'Shaughnessy | The only beneficiaries of this are soft drink companies.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXXIII
| "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity
Darren | opinions which differ from the prejudices of their
O'Shaughnessy | social environment. Most people are incapable even of
| forming such opinions." -- Einstein
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXXIV
Darren | "... [Vaclav Havel] blamed the [environmental] damage on
O'Shaughnessy | anthropocentrism, especially the notion that we humans own
| the planet and have enough wisdom to know what to do with
(from Gell-Mann, | it. ... Most ordinary politicians refrain from attacking
"Quark & Jaguar") | anthropocentrism, since the voters are all human."
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXXV
Darren | "Cynicism is unacceptable in a free society."
O'Shaughnessy | -- Newt Gingrich
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXXVI
Darren | "The Internet is a concept ..." -- Harvey Norman adv-
O'Shaughnessy | ertising, April 1995, denying reality.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXXVII
Darren | Only 6% of the species of mammals currently residing
O'Shaughnessy | in New Zealand are native to that country.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXXVIII
Darren | The risk of food poisoning for meat-eaters is five
O'Shaughnessy | times as high as for vegetarians.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XXXIX
Darren | Foam does not improve a detergent's cleaning properties.
O'Shaughnessy | Bubbles are a marketing-induced consumer gimmick.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XL
Darren | (withdrawn)
O'Shaughnessy |
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XLI
Darren | Ask your local golf course about the chemicals they
O'Shaughnessy | spray their grass with. Many are known or WHO-suspected
| carcinogens, poisons, and allergens.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XLII
Darren | The Victorian Government creates a $2 billion monster
O'Shaughnessy | freeway project - in 1995, decades after most forward-
| thinking cities have realised that freeways breed cars.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XLIII
Darren | Community consultation ... allowing people to
O'Shaughnessy | choose the color and texture of the rope by which
| they are to be hung -- Marjaleena Repo
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XLIV
Darren | Percentage of cars on-road which are taxis: 14%
O'Shaughnessy | Percentage of cars which are last through an inter-
| section as the lights turn red, which are taxis: 39%
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XLV
Darren | "We switched off the traffic lights at a major inter-
O'Shaughnessy | section to monitor freeform traffic flow. The
| results will astound you ..."
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XLVI
Darren | In your lifetime, one fifth of all the species on
O'Shaughnessy | earth will become extinct.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XLVII
Darren | The Amish Home Page
O'Shaughnessy |
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XLVIII
Darren | The opinions expressed herein are not my own.
O'Shaughnessy | I don't need to hold my own opinions, now that I can
| pluck them all from the Usenet in a random fashion.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part XLIX
Darren | I'd like to experience something that has nothing new to
O'Shaughnessy | offer. I'd like it to be exactly the same as the 1000s of
| times I've done it before. And I'd like fries with that.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part L
Darren | "I'd like to cover the earth / With a fresh-baked yummy
O'Shaughnessy | dessert. / People couldn't live in it, / but I think
| it's worth the money and hurt." Orig. "Birdhouse", TMBG
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LI
Darren | "Je peux glisser-deposer ceci-ici, mais pas la -
O'Shaughnessy | ceci-la, mais pas ici." (I can drag and drop this
| here but not there; that there but not here.)
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LII
| The poverty of low-income earners, coupled with badly
Darren | distorted transport and education policies, is causing
O'Shaughnessy | serious nutrition problems (like rickets!), as people can
| not afford to buy & cook fresh vegetables. (1996 UK study)
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LIII
Darren | In 1992, Michael Jordan was paid $20 million by Nike,
O'Shaughnessy | more than the entire annual payroll of the workforce
| at the Indonesian factories where the shoes are made.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LIV
Darren | This century, 10% of the world's soil has been lost
O'Shaughnessy | through deforestation, erosion, and urban development.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LV
Darren | Sheep, cows, chickens, and pigs - all herbivores - are
O'Shaughnessy | fed animal protein to increase their carcasses' size. We
| eat their offal, contaminated with cross-species disease.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LVI
Darren | 75% of high-school students are taking pain-killers
O'Shaughnessy | such as aspirin and paracetamol every month.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LVII
Darren | Most of the last sip is backwash.
O'Shaughnessy |
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LVIII
Darren | August 1996: commemorating 100 years of
O'Shaughnessy | fatal car accidents.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LIX
Darren | Only 50% of the world's population have made a
O'Shaughnessy | telephone call. 80% of people have tasted Coca-Cola.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LX
Darren | "Dominance is a non-word here." - Microsoft Australia
O'Shaughnessy | spokesperson helpfully defining MS English.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LXI
Darren | 1 in 68 horses starting hurdles races in Australia
O'Shaughnessy | will die on that day. (figures for 1995 from RSPCA)
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LXII
Darren | 90% of successful candidates for Congress spent more
O'Shaughnessy | money campaigning than their opponents.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LXIII
Darren | "A person who did science might go out and get a job in a
O'Shaughnessy | goldmining company and end up being a multimillionaire."
| -- Education Minister Vanstone, re tripling course fees.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LXIV
Darren | Two essentials for life: sunlight and fresh water.
O'Shaughnessy | Two products of modern life: sunglasses and hot showers.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LXV
Darren | The most common cause of birth defects
O'Shaughnessy | in the U.S. is domestic violence.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LXVI
Darren | The world's seven richest men combined could eradicate
O'Shaughnessy | all the world's poverty within twenty years.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LXVII
Darren | A survey of recently privatised Victorian electricity
O'Shaughnessy | suppliers reveals that they believe occasional blackouts
| are good, as customers appreciate the service more.
Signed, | The Horror of Modern Life - Part LXVIII
Darren | 1 in 3 programmers surveyed said that they will withdraw
O'Shaughnessy | all their money from the banks in preparation for 2000.
darren@rankingsoftware.com